I love Wednesday HUGS

Today was the inaugural meeting of HUGS - the Haas Unemployment Group of Support. Charter members: me, Jenna, Eric Potts and Emily. Ben may join us and Tom may crash from time to time. But the core members are the four of us and we plan to meet every Wednesday to support each other through our job searches. So, our meeting today was at a taqueria on 25th and Mission. We had burritos and agua frescas and chips and salsa. And we talked about our war stories - Eric's Whole Foods debacle taking center, Jenna's case interview, the bait-and-switch I suffered with Visa. And we gave each other advice about things like sending thank you notes, who to target for networking and what job search sites to hit. And of course we talked about fun things, like trips we have planned over the summer and funny stories. I would say that the HUGS inaugural meeting was a smashing success.

Other than HUGS, I have no update on the job front. Sometimes things feel like they are progressing and other times they are standing still. But what can I do other than push forward?

BOYS
So, I am having these weird Peter dreams. I think it is because I know June is the month he gets married. And it was this time last year that I was getting ready to go to Budapest to be with him and play house in order to determine if we would get married. I swear sometimes I feel like Peter died. I know that's really a strange thing to say but it's true. I mean, we broke up and have not spoken since. He is 6,000 miles away and unless I make a point of it, I will likely never see him again. All the people that we had connecting us to each other are safely out of my life. I am not angry with him. The thought of him does not make me sad. In fact, I saw a photo of him the other day and I sighed and thought, "Oh, he's so cute." So, I truly wonder if I have even processed the break up or did I just acknowledge it and move on because so little was to be gained from dwelling on it? Either way. It's on my mind these days. I just want it to go away.

I have not talked to Jack since last Wednesday. Well, technically that's not entirely true. On Friday night at Brad's going away party we exchanged words. He asked me if I wanted a drink and I said no. Then I walked away. We also text messaged a bit that night - he sent a text basically saying he wanted to talk. I texted back saying I didn't want to talk for a while. That was it until Sunday, when he sent me a text asking me to dinner. Well, actually it said this: "Dinner?" But he sent it at 445p and I didn't get it until 745p, as I was napping and then went for a run. So, that was that. And that was officially our last exchange. To be honest, I am okay with not talking for a while. I mean, I do miss him, of course; I came to depend on his presence in my life. But everything is different right now. I mean, there is a whole slice of life we can now not talk about (at least for a while). Most importantly, the trust has been broken. Jenna said it best today when she said that we are going to have to work our way back and it may never go back to what it was. And even if it does, it is not going to happen quickly or easily. First we need to just get to a place where we can be together in public! Then we can worry about being friends again. And to be honest, who knows how much of what we had has been destroyed. I like to think that Jack and my friendship is/was strong enough to survive even something like this. And I was certain it was when we first started going down a more-than-friend path. We committed to it. We promised each other. "We will always be okay," we swore to each other. But maybe we were wrong. Maybe we overestimated our friendship. Or maybe we overestimated our maturity. Or, I should say, my maturity. Whatever it is...Jack and I are certainly not friends at the moment. And I am just not sure when or if we will resume our special closeness.

MY DAD
I hadn't seen my dad for ten years. I hadn't talked to him in about eight. Then he came out here for a weekend. Sure, we had a good time. But that doesn't mean I want him to call me all the time! And I don't have the guts to tell him he needs to back off, call less. But he does. I mean, it's nice that he is making an effort. And I wish I wasn't so put off by it. But the problem is that he calls to "talk" but really he calls to give me advice and try to tell me how to do things. I appreciate that he is trying to be helpful. But I feel like he is trying to be "my dad" and I really can't stand it. I need to find a nice and effective way to tell him to call less. I feel bad. I really do. Because I know he means well. But I cannot stand to hear him tell me what he thinks I should do about trying to find a job. I mean, this man has not had a "real" job since about 1977. It's hard for me to take seriously his career advice. Intentions aside, it is not actually helpful.

Funny how you can spend so much time wanting certain men to call. But the ones you wish would call less...well, they simply cannot seem to get enough of you. Although admittedly, I spent a good portion of my life wishing my dad would pay attention to me more. So, I guess here he is...it's just a few years too late.