In my own little world

I feel like there is so much going on these days - Iran and its nuclear program, China's slow but sure ascension, political crises in Latin America, the horror that is the US government, the retired generals calling on Rumsfeld to resign, the never-ending cycle of violence, destruction and hatred in the middle east and, of course, the seemingly neverending cycle of violence in Iraq, which has been going on in one form or another for decades now - that I do not even know where to begin a commentary on any one of these things, let alone all of them. So I stay nextled in my own little world of non-love, non-drama and actual stress about life post-graduation.

I will say this, though...I am excited to get out of school and feel re-engaged in the real world again. I am looking forward to spending time talking about things other than what we are going to do to celebrate the end of school (though I am looking forward to celebrating!). I did, however, have a great time at Kris' baby shower yesterday. It was such a lovely group of women with whom I rarely spend time. And, because Kris is such a spectacular person, she has amassed for herself a group of incredibly interesting and smart women who like to talk about more than boys.

I NEED A JOB
I am not sure what I will do if I don't get a job before graduation. And to be honest, at this point it is not looking so good! I made myself a promise after I got back from Europe last summer that I would take seriously all the job postings that came through the career office. And I feel like I did that but that nothing really appealed to me. Then I got the Symantec job and I just figured that they would hire me after graduation. But they are not going to - much as I would be a great asset to them, they don't actually need me. So here I am, a month from graduation with a rapidly dwindling bank account and I am getting a bit anxious. I am sure there is more I can be doing. And I know that the dream job that I interviewed for last week is a long shot (at best) and so I should not put any eggs in that basket let alone all the eggs. But what can I do? Where can I look? At what point do I suck it up and try to find a job I know I can get, just because I need one, rather than trying to find a job that I know that I want? I get so envious of my classmates who can afford to take their time looking. Who want to travel and really hold out for the perfect gig. I just cannot afford to do it. I don't have rich parents who have been bankrolling my education. Come June 1, I am out of cash and out of luck!

AN UPDATE ON NOT-LOVE
I don't know about this whole long distnce "dating" thing. I mean, I do know about it. And I have always known that it is not for me. So why do I even get involved? Okay, in fairness to me, I have long known that when I am in a relationship and one of you moves away forcing a long-distance relationship situation, I do not do very well or last very long. Damian, Ted, Peter...all of these relationships essentially ended in large part because of distance. What I have not known is what it would be like to start a relationship from afar. By the way, I recognize that I enter dangerous territory by even likening my current situation to a relationship. But I suppose that it is one in the most basic definition of the word. Anyway, I have thought in the past - and have couneled frineds in similar situations - that a long distance relationship from the start may be just the way to go. There is no way of over-spending your time together. There is room for you to maintain balance in terms of spending time and energy on your friends and not leaving your life behind while you explore a new relationship. And, when you do finally get to see eachother, it's like a special occasion every time. In theory this sounds great. And this is a bit of what Jen and Sal have going on. And so maybe I thought this was something I could get in on...something that might work for me while I try to finish up school. And so here I am. But it is not as sparkly shiny as I want it to be. Distance in miles does not necessarily translate into emotional distance for me. And therein lies the rub. So while it is probably harder to start a relationship in close proximity and then one person moves, which strains the relationship beyond which it can survive, it is also really hard to get psyched about starting something with someone who doesn't live anywhere near you and who leads a somewhat mysterious life. That's the situation I find myself in as I sit in his home office in Los Angeles writing this on his computer.

All that being said, he is one dreamy guy.